


now I'm alright

by seblandersmythe (Soll)



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, a long soft loaf of a fic for your enjoyment, a relatives dies in this and yes it's a shameless plot device, and that i managed to post something, featuring a k/aine break up because i'm kind of forced to deal with it everytime, honestly it doesn't even metter, it's loose really, set somewhat instead of The Breakup (4x04), the whole plot is a plot device really, what matters is the soft tm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 18:23:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20178694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soll/pseuds/seblandersmythe
Summary: Sebastian was at McKinley, and he wasn't there for him. [...]Blaine felt sick. He could picture it, getting a text from Sebastian- his phone number no longer saved with his name, but imprinted in his memory since he had made a decision he had never had the courage for. Texting Sebastian back a yes or no and getting a time for rehearsals back- no jokes, no cringy wink emoticon made of semicolons and round brackets, no sign they were, had been, friends.He was horrified, it was hard to breath, and he just nodded yes, sure, of course- because what else could he do.In which the Warblers organize a charity event because Sebastian is trying to be a good pupper, and Blaine is a sad, broken boy left to his own devices in search of an excuse to reach out a hand to someone that will take it.A soft piece made of phone calls, menacing ducks and fresh starts.[Seblaine Week 2019 entry - Day 6 (Aug 9th) : Finish Your WIP]





	now I'm alright

**Author's Note:**

> yo I managed to post something for the week let's thank my five thousands wips stashed in my mail drafts  
also a quick note: it's loosely set in place of 4x04 and up but clearly there's no Glease. but kitty shows up at some point. i don't even know, just enjoy it for what it is.  
enjoy long phone calls, cat raccoons, a plot that's actually a huge plot device for romance!

Sebastian was at McKinley, and he wasn't there for him.

"We won't do it." Tina put her foot down, which promoted Marley to ask why wouldn't she want to help homeless LGBT youth, and Artie saying that wasn't the point, and Unique asking what was the point then, and Brittany asserting Sebastian was evil, and Blaine processed maybe half of it all.

Sebastian was at McKinley, standing in a small room with stained walls and dust in the corners, and pieces of gum stick under the chairs. He looked like he had been added to the scene in post production.

And even if Sebastian wasn't there for him, he was looking at Blaine, and there was something almost shy in the way Sebastian took up space, leaning brazenly against the door frame.

"Listen-" he said, still looking at Blaine like he didn't care about anyone else even then, like it was still hi Blaine, hello everyone else. "As much as I like standing by the pond watching ducklings fight, I really don't need an answer now. You can do this while I'm not in the room. I'll text Blaine in a couple of days. Have an answer by then."

Blaine felt sick. He could picture it, getting a text from Sebastian -his phone number no longer saved with his name, but imprinted in his memory since he had made a decision he had never had the courage for. Texting Sebastian back a yes or no and getting a time for rehearsals back- no jokes, no cringy wink emoticon made of semicolons and round brackets, no sign they were, had been, friends.

He was horrified, it was hard to breath, and he just nodded yes, sure, of course- because what else could he do.

They decided quickly. There was after all no decision to make, if not saying yes. The Warblers were raising money for charity, it would have been heartless to refuse to help.

He wondered if he should text Sebastian right away, get the band-aid off- but doing so would have given him an active role, and he wanted none. He was merely there to be a link.

When Blaine called Kurt to tell him they were doing a charity concert at the Lima mall, Kurt picked up just to tell him he was busy and they would talk later. Blaine made Sebastian's number and stared at it until it seemed wrong.

It wasn't right to text him first.

He was between second and third period when he did it, a quick _we're in_, all business. They had a glee meeting in the afternoon, and it would have been better to have something to work on during the weekend.

Sebastian texted back with a smiley face that belonged in the nineties, colon and capital D, and Blaine hated himself for smiling.

_Corny _he typed, before deleting it.

Sebastian texted him the early schedule for rehearsals, told him to get two numbers ready that weren't neither inspirational nor gay, because they wanted the kids to have fun and not be reminded of how miserable their lives were. The Warblers had asked if they would be in for a final song together, so there was that. And he needed to go, or the teacher would have thought he'd had drown in the bathroom sink.

Blaine sent him an okay, full stop. He turned the screen off, and hid the phone in his pocket for the rest of the day. He only looked at it late in the evening, freshly showered and tired to the bones. He looked at the conversation with the unknown number at the top of his chats, and didn't breath as he typed a colon and round bracket in before turning the phone off for the night.

He didn't call Kurt before going to bed.

Sam insisted to have him run their final choices for the set list to Sebastian, so he did.

Sebastian answered with a cropped screen of their earlier conversation, hastily highlighting the words _neither inspirational nor gay_. Blaine laughed, and Sam looked at him like he had grown an extra head.

It took several back and forts before a call hit Blaine's phone. He waited enough to pick up, Sam decided to answer instead of him and put Sebastian on speaker.

Hearing Sebastian's voice over the phone made him sick.

He had woken up to that same voice for months of his life, loading the moka for his morning coffee and during the drive to school, until Sebastian had to go to lacrosse practice.

He had heard family stories, videogame reviews, very opinionated thoughts over movies he hadn't even seen.

"Okay, so Marley and Unique will lead a song, Artie and Tina the other one. Are we all clear?" Sam asked, and Blaine said nothing.

"Why do you still think not letting Blaine sing is a good idea? You're challenging my yearly proposition of not being mean."

Blaine took a deep breath.

"He didn't say he wanted to."

"He shouldn't have to." Sebastian said as he would say they were all idiots.

"Thank you, Sebastian." Blaine said, too softly to be picked up if anybody had been talking. "But it's okay."

"Your wish is my command." Sebastian sighed, and just like that they were back to decide when and where to meet.

Blaine tried to ignore it was their first time talking over the phone in months.

It was raining buckets outside when they had their first meeting.

Sebastian had given in fairly easily and agreed to hold it at McKinley. To see them all in the choir room was even more unsettling than seeing Sebastian alone.

Most of the faces were new. Nick and Jeff were still in the club, of course, but he didn't talk with Nick anymore, and he had never been friend with Jeff, not really. David was gone, so were Wes and Alex, even Logan, and it was like going back home to find someone else living in his room.

The new kids stared at him like he was on display in a zoo, but he was expecting that.

Sebastian had taken off his blazer and his hair was drying up in a weird wave, longer than it used to be. He looked incredibly pained to be there instead than everywhere else, and he was weirdly quiet.

Blaine knew he was weirdly quiet too. If anybody noticed, no one told.

He made a point of ignoring Sebastian.

When his phone buzzed with a text he found himself staring at a familiar number.

_I need caffeine. Want something?_

Blaine couldn't help but looking up, and he found Sebastian standing with his phone in his hands as Tina and Brittany shouted at him.

It was incredible how Blaine hadn't noticed how loud they were all being.

He texted a no and deleted it.

He texted his order and deleted it.

He texted nothing and turned the screen off.

He texted no, thank you and deleted it.

He texted his order in again, and sent it.

He saw Sebastian getting the text and smiling at his phone before putting it away. Blaine wondered if he had smiled like that when they'd been friends, or if it had been different.

Sebastian didn't send back any My Space emoticons, but he walked out the room and when he was back he walked straight to Blaine and gave him his cup of coffee.

He took it without a word as Sebastian looked very smug even for his standards, and Blaine realized only halfway trough that there were a scribbled semicolon and round bracket on the side of the cup.

He smiled behind his drink as Sebastian told everyone that he gave up on the set list, if it meant they would put enough into it not to make his ears bleed.

The new New Directions laughed, and Blaine thought for a puzzling moment it was all going well.

Kurt didn't pick up that night, and Blaine texted Sebastian a picture of corn.

Sebastian texted back half an hour later with an angle bracket and a number 3, and Blaine hated himself for smiling himself to sleep.

There was no reason to meet aside from a final rehearsal. Marley was going to lead the final number, they all had their part of the harmonies, and Sebastian had promised to make up a choreography even a three-legged opossum could pull off in two hours. It was about having fun, after all.

Sebastian texted at six thirty on Thursday morning, and Blaine wished he had called instead before he could catch himself.

He stopped breathing when he read the text.

_Can I call?_

Blaine called him before he could catch himself.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"I just wanted to ask if you'd be- would you mind lead the Warblers instead of me at the event?"

"What?"

Sebastian sighed on the other side of the phone.

"My aunt called, grandma is getting worse. We're going to Paris to try and see her in time."

"Oh."

They stayed silent, and Blaine leaned against the table.

"I'm sorry, Sebastian."

"Don't worry, she's been sick for a while. We saw it coming."

"I'm still sorry."

"Come on, stop. I didn't want to get you depressed so early in the morning."

"It's good."

"So, you'll think about it?"

"Are they okay with this?"

"Are you kidding me? One of the new kids dared questioning whether you really was, quoting, "all that"- and Trent almost had a stroke. Somebody cried."

Blaine smiled as the coffee bubbled in the moka and he turned the fire off.

"And you had nothing to do with that?"

"I've never said I didn't."

Blaine laughed before pouring his coffee in the cup.

"Didn't you say something about not being mean?"

"There are boundaries one should not test."

Blaine stared at the steam coming out of his cup, leaning back on the table once more. He was the only one awake in the house, and he could hear the sounds of the fridge and the chirping of a couple lovebirds who had nested outside.

"I'll do it." he smiled in the phone.

He closed his eyes, and for a moment not a year had passed.

"Great. I'll let them know."

"I can text Nick." he didn't know what possessed him to say it.

"He doesn't know yet. I called you first."

Blaine drank his coffee.

"Leave it to me. Just be with your family."

"Thanks."

There was more but Sebastian didn't say it.

"Can I call?" until he did, shy drawl and soft voice.

"Yes." Blaine closed his eyes. "Yes, Sebastian. You can."

The first time he had walked into Dalton he had been small, quiet and angry.

David had told him to pick up boxing, perhaps on Tuesday nights.

Alex had suggested joining the Warblers, to give his voice some purpose beyond voicing thoughts he couldn't string together.

He had hated Dalton, for it was a cage he had to choose to be put in, until he had hated Dalton because he loved it, and hated the reason he was there.

The happier he was, the stronger he punched.

His life had been ruined, and yet it was the best life he had ever known.

Leaving had took him all the strength he had,

and now when he walked in he was small, quiet, and in pain.

He would have walked inside the choir room, and Sebastian would not be there to remind him he had left and Dalton had moved on without him.

He texted Sebastian after the first rehearsal.

Six pm in Lima, midnight in Paris.

Sebastian called him back as he was halfway home, and Blaine simmered the music down to a whisper and put him on speaker.

They didn't talk about his grandmother, or the Warblers, and instead went back and forth to the last Guillermo del Toro movie, and ended up taking about land sharks.

It was easy, talking to Sebastian when he couldn't see him. When he didn't have to be careful, because there were miles between them.

He didn't tell the New Directions about the Warblers rearrangement.

Nobody had asked why he dropped out of half the club he signed up for, or why he couldn't go that Saturday evening, or why Sam was doing most of the president duty, or why he always got late to third period slipping his phone back in his pocket, and he didn't offer an explanation.

Kurt never called, so he didn't tell him either.

He got a call from Kurt deep in the night, while he was arguing with Sebastian about coffee brews before falling asleep.

He didn't answer, and neither did Kurt when Blaine called him back.

Nick and Blaine still didn't really talk, but they smiled and point out tips for the arrangements and Nick guided him trough the steps of the choreography to give him guidelines to were to stand and walk as he did his thing.

It was by the end of the second rehearsal, closer to seven than six, than Nick tripped on a step, fell over Blaine, who grasped a chair trying not to fell, only dragging it down with them, its legs hitting a sophomore named Sandy in the knee. Blaine was laughing so hard he barely registered Sandy shrieking about safety workplace conditions, Nick doubled over his shoulder. Than he remembered Wes knocking down a vase and blaming it on Logan, which resulted in a fight worth two weeks of self-imposed club suspension and all vases to be removed from the room designated for the Warblers practice- and he laughed even harder.

He didn't think he could catch his breath again when he heard Trent sniffing and felt Nick's grip harder on his arm, and then it was all gone, the giddiness, the laughter and the happiness, because he didn't deserve it, he didn't deserve them.

Blaine run out of the room with the pretense of being thirsty, water bottles everywhere in the room. His hands were fidgeting with his phone before he knew it, typing down a number he would know everywhere.

Sebastian didn't pick up right away.

Blaine breathed in and out, slouching down on the floor, his forehead against his knees. He was six rings and six breaths in when he realized it was close to one in the morning in Paris, and Sebastian wouldn't pick up. He closed the call and leaned back to the wall, his head threw back, when he felt footsteps down the hallway.

"Trent would like you to know he didn't in any way intended to pressure you in any way, he was just really happy." Nick's voice soothed his nerves a little, less warm than it used to be, a bit more careful.

"Me too." Blaine mouthed, Nick sitting down next to him. "And I don't deserve it."

"Perhaps you don't-" Nick said and Blaine could here a concession when he heard it. "But he does. We do."

Blaine's throat clenched and he turned to face Nick's profile.

"I know you're dead set on fighting it all on your own. I know you get sad and angry out of nowhere sometimes, and I know you moved for reasons other than Kurt."

A bitter laugh shook Blaine's shoulders.

"But I don't know what reasons they are. I wasn't angry because you left, but because I didn't know why you were doing it, and because you had pushed yourself to that because you're too stubborn to ask for help."

Blaine gripped at his thighs, knowing he should say something, but not having anything to say.

"Sorry." Nick said turning to him. "Low blow, I know you have trouble talking."

He clenched his fist around his thighs.

"I came to tell you." Blaine said carefully. "I knew it was late, but- I did."

"I know, and I've been a douche. I'm sorry for that too."

"No." Blaine shook his head."I still wouldn't have told you why."

"That's also true." Nick smiled, and put his hand on Blaine's shoulder. "And you don't have to tell me now. Or ever. But tell someone. Anyone. Talk instead of chewing it down, otherwise everything becomes real, even things that are not."

"And what if they get stupid once I said them out loud? What if they make sense to me but then it just sounds like-" he got choked up, and Nick slid closer, sliding his arm around Blaine.

"Isn't that better? Then you know it's nothing worth your trouble."

Blaine chuckled and rubbed his hand over his legs, sore where he had pressed down so hard.

"When did you get so wise, master Yoda?" Blaine asked, nudging Nick's knee with his own and getting a squat on his neck in return.

"Wise I always have been, open to the truth you were not still."

"That was so bad, Duval."he shook his head, and he laughed as Nick exaggerated offend gasp preceded a tackle to the ground.

"How dare you questioning my honor!" Nick said in a Warbler phrase book classic, and Blaine was ready to answer as they wrestled on the ground, but his phone rang in his pocket and Blaine rustled to take it off, not bothering checking the number knowing it was his father asking if he was coming to dinner and could catch take out on the way.

"Yes, dad?" he picked up, Nick's hand trying to cover his mouth.

There was a beat before the answer.

"I'm not going to elaborate on that" a familiar drawl came over from his hear, and Blaine sat up instantly, Nick avoiding a headbutt out of pure chance.

"Fuck. Hi. I thought it was my dad."

Understanding came down on Nick and Blaine pushed him in the chest as he wailed on the floor.

"Yeah, I kind of figured." Sebastian teased him, his voice light.

Blaine fumbled with syllables and Sebastian spared him the embarrassment.

"Sorry for not picking up earlier, I was out having drinks with my cousins. Trying to drown the misery in wine."

"Very french of you." he mulled, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, and Nick stopped laughing just to give him a poignant stare.

"It took me a moment to adjust, but old habits die hard."

Blaine hugged his knees to his chest and felt the words down his spine.

He rolled his eyes when Nick mouthed him if it was Sebastian on the line.

"Give me a few more days-" Sebastian continued. "and I'll be fucking my stepsister's heartbroken boy-toys in my old room again."

"Well-" Blaine said, round vowels. "Good thing you're coming back soon. We wouldn't want that to happen."

Sebastian went silent and Blaine thought for a second he had said something wrong, but he could hear Sebastian's smile when he talked back, his voice soft.

"I can't believe I actually want to get back to Ohio."

"Be careful, it creeps on you. Soon enough you'll never want to leave again and you'll find yourself living in Lima with two kids and a lucrative but soulless job in constructions."

"Was that a jab at your dad?" Sebastian picked up instantly, and Blaine laughed.

"Perhaps."

"Still." Sebastian said just as some Warblers came out from the room and pointed at their wrists when seeing them.

He was watching as Nick sprang up and dragged them back inside the room with a stupid grin on his face, and he almost missed the soft hum of Sebastian's voice.

"You're okay, then?" he asked, and Blaine smile faltered.

He opened his mouth to say he was fine, but he took a breath instead.

"Not really." he admitted, his voice shaky to his ears. "Nick helped, but-"

"You don't have to tell me about it."

"No, I- I want to. Actually I'm glad you didn't pick up right away, I would have just let you talk me down. I-" he heard the pinch of an incoming call, surely his dead, and checked the time.

"It's dinner time, is it?" Sebastian asked. "Go eat and call me later."

"No. It's already- what? One am?"

"I don't care. Call me. I wanted to talk to you too, so really I'm not doing you any favor you're not doing me."

Blaine smiled and passed a hand over his eyes.

"I will, then. Thank you."

Blaine picked Indian up for dinner.

He called Sebastian around 3 am, Paris time.

He picked up right away, mulled voice and smooth edges, and Blaine listened to his breathing as he padded to the balcony not to wake anybody up.

"Hi." he said, as they hadn't already talked, a little bit louder, and Blaine laughed in the darkness of his room.

"Hi." he said back. "I heard you wanted to talk?"

Sebastian told him about his grandmother. Young, vital, always wearing highwaisted slacks and camisoles, chain-smoking in the windowsill as Sebastian and his mother played card games. About living with her as Sebastian's dad jumped from city to city and his mother was busy building up a new family with her second husband and his two children in the country.

About Manon joining them when he was thirteen to study in Paris for college, a ghost in the little room down the hallway made of booze and red lipstick.

About getting out to drink at night and his grandmother telling him that it would catch up with him later. About how she was right and didn't even wait a day to tell him so when Sebastian had arrived in Paris last summer, his head less high and his smile less cutting.

About them drinking red wine at night, one glass for him and three for her, as they watched old movies she pretended to hate, and he pretended to like.

About how she got sick and told him it was no fun to be around the sick and old, and he should go and live with his father before it came his time too.

Sebastian didn't tell, and Blaine didn't ask, but all the stories of her life told him she was gone.

They laughed trough it, sitting together in a balcony that watched over Paris, sharing wine and fingers brushing.

"Are you falling asleep on me?" Sebastian asked, and Blaine's lashes fluttered open.

"Couldn't resist asking if I'm in bed, could you?" he teased, moving on the windowsill and rubbing his eyes to stay awake.

"Well, are you?" Sebastian asked on the other end, stripped by the night and phone to his confident skin, to his easy tongue.

"Nope." Blaine smiled "Watching out the window to good old pastel houses in a row. I think there's a raccoon in my yard but it could be a very large cat."

"Exciting." Sebastian laughed. "Keep me posted."

"Sure. But tell me-" he squinted, lowering his voice to a dark whisper ", from your balcony on Paris, what are you seeing?"

Sebastian laughed again and Blaine ached to see the boyish smile on his face, and he closed his eyes wishing this wouldn't change when Sebastian was back, knowing it would because that longing, that ache, only told him how hard his throat would clench at having him there, at wanting to touch him.

He missed Sebastian answer and hated himself for it.

"Come on, Anderson, go to sleep. I know Warbler practices. We can talk tomorrow."

"No." Blaine said, shaking his head. "I need to- I want to tell you something."

Blaine stared at the cat raccoon skittering across the yard as he told him about laughing with the Warblers. About falling in place with old steps and learning new ones he knew Sebastian introduced. About the ache in his chest every time someone shouted and Wes wasn't there to put his gravel down, and about Wes when Sebastian asked Blaine about him.

He told him how hard had it been in the first days, to be somewhere he was never supposed to be because somebody else decided for him.

How hard had it been to be happy in the life he was never supposed to have.

It did sound stupid to Blaine's ears, how he couldn't tell happiness from anger, until- he took a shallow breath- he had met Kurt and he had thought, this, this I could have had even without Dalton. I could have met him at public school, where I was supposed to go, and I could have been happy there too. I could have made it there too.

How Kurt had asked him if he would consider transferring with such a forced nonchalant attitude Blaine had laughed, but how the thought had crept in Blaine's brain, settled there, because why not, why could he not prove he could have been happy even if he had never gone to Dalton, had been never broken?

So he had transferred.

And now he wasn't happy, he wasn't even angry anymore.

He was just there.

Sebastian stayed mostly silent, and Blaine wiped at his eyes but found them dry. He didn't feel like dying. He didn't even feel like he was out of breath.

He felt fine.

"Look at us. Making bad choices and mulling over it." Sebastian stated eventually, with such genuine ease Blaine almost laughed.

"You are making up for it, though."

"And you're not? I've heard you've been elected to the White House."

Blaine laughed and stood up to walk to his bed. He slipped under the cover before he thought better of it.

"Yeah, well- I decided I might as well try to make it a place I want to actually be in. Raise it to my level." he added cheekily.

"Well, now, Anderson- that's ambitious. Bringing a two to a ten would be kind of a miracle."

Blaine felt the blush at the back of his neck but he didn't fight it.

"I'll settle for a seven and a half." he chimed, his head already cloudy as he laid on his back.

"Big mistake." Sebastian said. "Never settle for anything under your score. Trust me."

"Why do I fell like there's a story?"

"Because there's one but I'm not telling you now."

"Why?" Blaine asked, and if it came a bit whiny he didn't mind.

"Because I need to see you when I tell it." Sebastian said with ease, but there was an edge to it that got Blaine wondering.

"Coffee when you get back?" he offered, his eyes closing.

"Cruel, Anderson. Reminding me like that I'll never have a decent espresso again? Throwing me back into the darkest pit of Ohio?"

"I don't want to give you hope. It's mercy. And I will be sure to remind you you actually wanted to come back when you complain about not having liquor in your coffee."

"Okay, now you're just being rude. I'm hanging up on you."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am. Besides, you're clearly falling asleep on me again. At least go to bed."

"Mhmh." Blaine smiled, curling on one side. "Already am."

"Have you even not been in bed? Was the cat raccoon a lie?"

"Who knows."

"Do you want me to go on a rambling rant about this until you fell asleep?" Sebastian asked, and Blaine smiled and blessed it was so late into the night in Paris Sebastian would actually ask.

"Only if you sing it to me." he teased, about to say goodbye.

Instead he heard Sebastian singing quietly, a smile molding around a mashup of the English and French lyrics of la Vie en Rose, as the sound of cars rushed down the street and the steps creaked with Blaine's parents going to bed.

He smiled, and closed his eyes, and thought this. I want this.

He was a bit late, and his father was awake earlier to go to a conference, and they caught each other in the kitchen.

It was comfortable, making groggy small talk with his dad as Blaine made them coffee and he scrolled trough his phone between yawns. Luke Anderson had never been a morning person, unlike everyone else in his family, and Blaine liked that about him, that he used to pout every Sunday morning walking in his wife and kids playing a board game without him.

"Mh." he said after his sip of coffee, eyes still cloudy. "You want a ride today?"

Blaine bit down on his scone.

"I have Glee practice tonight. I'll be late."

"Weren't you yesterday too? Do you have some competition going on?"

"Mh". Blaine mulled over his coffee. "Not really. It's a concert. For charity."

"Sounds great. When is it?"

"Next week. Lima City Mall. They're giving us the stage next the fountain."

Luke's eyebrows rose and Blaine bit his tongue.

"Sebastian hooked us up." he said with ease he didn't feel.

"Sebastian?" Luke said back in the same way. "Talking to him again?"

"Yep."

Luke smiled like he hadn't meant to.

"So it's a Warbler thing? I miss those guys."

"Me too. But this is more of a joint effort."

"Even better. You mind if we pass by?"

Blaine's finger clenched against his thigh.

"Of course not."

"Great."

They ate the rest of their breakfast making small talk, and when Luke asked him again if he wanted a ride, since he was coming home late anyway and could end up being the one to be waited for, Blaine said yes.

"Where you kidnapped by aliens?" Brittany asked as Blaine talked them trough a basic harmonization that would have made David cry.

"Excuse me?"

"You're too happy. Were the aliens friendly? Are you an alien?"

Blaine squinted at her. "Uh, no?"

"You do seem happy, though." Sam asked and Blaine turned to him.

"Why are we talking about me all of a sudden?"

"Because you've stopped brooding in a corner."

"And that is a bad thing because?"

"We know you're a snitch." Kitty cut them all off, and Blaine was so tired already he almost stormed out.

"How am I a snitch?"

"My cousin goes to Dalton. Sunday we met at church, and he says you're there, like, all the time."

"I am." he said. "I'm helping the Warblers, Sebastian is in Paris and he asked me to step in."

"Snitch!" Artie called.

"How could you?" Tina cried.

"What would I be snitching on? We don't even know what we're performing at Sectionals. We never do until, like, the night before."

"Oh, don't act like you don't have precedents!" Tina insisted, and Blaine stepped forward.

"Okay, okay-" Sam interfered, palms up, jumping to Blaine's side. "We're all on the same side until next week, right? He's helping his buddies out, it's a good thing."

"Thank you, Sam." Blaine said, open arms, as all the new kids were either not paying any attention or trying to catch up.

"He's betraying us!"

The utter notion of someone other than the Warblers being cheated by him was so surreal Blaine choked on a laugh.

"I'm stepping in for Sebastian in a charity concert in which we're all supposed to perform together anyway. How is it a betrayal?"

"You not telling us is a little suspicious." Artie chimed in, and that was it.

Blaine wasn't going over this again.

"Yeah, I didn't tell you. But I had you change the practices schedules and you didn't ask why. Sebastian said he would check on us last week, he didn't do it, and you didn't ask why. I never joined you on the weekends ever since this became a thing, and you didn't ask why. You never ask. You don't care about what I'm doing until it's something you think I'm doing wrong, really."

He picked up his messenger bag from his chair in the back and stormed out of the room, not even listening to what they had to say.

He knew Sam was following him down the hallway to the gym, but he didn't care. He didn't have to listen, and he didn't have to talk.

Sam grabbed him by the elbow and Blaine stopped and pushed him square in the chest.

"Don't touch me."

"Okay, I won't." Sam said, hands raised. "But you're scaring me, dude. I don't know how to handle you."

"Than don't."

"Not a solution. Listen, I know you're sad. And then you started being a bit better, so I figured whatever you were up to was working, so I said nothing."

"And I like it that way." Blaine lied.

"Dude, you can't keep keeping us at arm length and then complain we don't talk to you."

He hadn't been this angry in months. His fingers curled around the strap of his bag, and he could see Sam was considering taking a step back.

"I-" he started. "gave Artie my history notes. I get coffee with Tina after Glee practice every week as she waits for her bus to come. I bring you my candies wrapping because I know you make bracelets out of them for your sibilings. Just because I don't talk to you about my feelings it doesn't mean I'm not there. I'm not asking for you to be my best friends. I'm asking you to realize I'm not a piece of furniture."

"Blaine-"

"You still call me Blaine Warbler." he said, his voice breaking without his consent. "Don't be surprised when I actually act like it."

He left Sam in the hallway.

He didn't have the energy to boxe anymore, he just wanted to go home and sleep, but he couldn't because he had to wait for his father, today of all days.

He boxed. Weak punches and bad posture.

He thought about the slushie. He stopped punching and took a breath.

He thought about a conversation with Kurt he had long forgotten, some feet down the hallway from where he had left Sam standing.

"I know I shouldn't have told Sebastian, but- is it worth all this?" he could hear his own voice, small and tentative and foreign. He hadn't wanted to ask, he had wanted to say, to put his foot down, and instead he had almost whispered. "We're not really going to do Michael Jackson at Regionals, are we?"

"What do you mean?" Kurt had asked in liquid ice.

"We'll choose the set list a day before the competition. It's tradition." he had tried to smile, and he had seen Kurt's anger in his pressed lips.

"Is that what you tell the rat? Spend your time whining about New Directions because I don't go along with you when you insult my friends?"

"No." he could see himself, feel his hand curving around his ribs. "Kurt-"

"How can you be so stupid to still not see this is all he wanted?" his throat was clenching, he couldn't breath. "He's playing you! He flatters you and charms you and then gets what he wants out of you! And you let him! So yes, Blaine, it's worth it. And you wanted this for us."

He sat on a bench with his head in his hands.

The sweat breaking his forehead had turned cold.

He had chosen to believe it, then. He had pushed and beaten himself into thinking the anger he felt had been over Sebastian, that Kurt's words had been a wake up call.

He had ignored the urge to defend Sebastian. To tell Kurt he might be a flirt, and an opportunist, and impulsive, but that he could be kind and ridiculous and that he laughed at Blaine's jokes.

He had ignored his heart and his head telling him he knew Sebastian, that Kurt had just finally found one way to make him go away.

It had made sense, after all. Sebastian befriending him to get information out of him. Using him.

He had chosen to believe it, and took the easy way out of a choice he had never wanted to make, but was know realizing he had took, in the worst way possible.

He had chosen to feel betrayed, he had chosen not to pick up the phone when Sebastian called, he had chosen not to give him another chance, and every time he chose a knife had twisted between his ribs, making him gush blood no one ever saw.

After all there were always only way it could have ended- with Kurt and without Sebastian. He was always going to give him up someday.

He cried in his fist, a chocked laugh in his throat, because a year had passed and here he was again, and this time he knew there was another way for this to end up.

He just needed to have enough courage to admit it.

"Dad?" he asked with his head resting on the car window. "Can we get frozen yogurt?"

They hadn't since he was ten.

"I don't know." his dad said. "Can we go to the movies later? There's a new cartoon out."

A year ago, Blaine would have clammed up. Would have taken the joke as a jab, would have thought his dad was making fun of him.

Now, Blaine smiled. He turned to his dad, looked at the way he was sitting with his back straight and at the polite way he smiled, and he saw it once again, how much they looked alike.

"Deal." he settled, carrying himself a bit taller.

"Great. Call your mother, tell her her boys will be late."

He texted Kurt right after he got home, telling him he needed to talk to him. He had meant to take a shower before he had to text again and resolve to chain calls.

Kurt called him right away and Blaine almost dropped his phone.

"Hi." he said, sitting on the edge of the windowsill.

"Hi."

Kurt didn't seem to be in a hurry.

"Is everything all right?" he asked, and Kurt snorted.

"You tell me."

"What?"

"You said you needed to talk to me. Do it."

Blaine sighed. His fingers dug in his thigh.

He spotted the cat raccoon running around a tree.

"This is not working."

Kurt didn't say anything.

"We are not working."

Still nothing. He closed his eyes.

"We barely talk. We miss every skype session we swore on. All the texts we send are sorrys and talk you later, and we never follow up. It doesn't even feel like we're together anymore."

"Is this how you justify yourself? I'm happy you went straight to it, though, I was wondering how much of a pathetic speech I would have had to sit trough before you got to the part you're cheating on me."

All of his blood ran to his feet, his fingers cold and his vision going blank.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, are you going to pretend it's not happening? That you're not seeing Sebastian again?"

"No, I- _seeing_ him again?"

"Tina told me about it, you know. They're my friends, remember? You thought I wouldn't hear about your escapades to Dalton and Sebastian getting you coffee trough rehearsals? You never even deleted his number, did you? Just were just waiting for me to get out of the way."

"We're doing a charity concert. I tried to tell you, but you never picked up. Because you were busy."

"I'm busy, Blaine. I can't ditch everything to listen to your problems."

"Not busy enough to-" talk to Tina, apparently. But he didn't say it, because he didn't want it to end like this. "Listen, don't do this, Kurt. Let me explain before-"

"Let you explain away fooling behind my back? Because, you know, you still haven't denied it."

"I'm not. Yes, I'm talking to him again, but-"

"I can't believe this. I can't believe we're here again after he almost blinded you-"

"He never meant to do that and you know it."

"No, you're right. He tried to blind me."

"It wouldn't have got on your face, Kurt, he-"

"Do you listen to yourself, Blaine? You're justifying his assault."

"The one you decided I wasn't going to press charges against?" he asked, and that was it, there was no going back. "You were so proud of yourself, telling me how you had humiliated him and you gave him back the proof of the Warblers tampering with the slushie."

"Like you would have-"

"No, I wouldn't have. But it was my choice to make."

"Why are you talking about this?"

"I don't know. You brought this up."

"I'm upset, Blaine. I think it's pretty normal considering you-"

"I what? I called everyday- tried to. I texted you first for two months, even when I wasn't hearing anything back. I barely know what's going on with you anymore because when we do talk you only talk about all the new people in your life who I don't give a fuck about, because I want to hear about you and not them. And I know for a fact you don't know anything about me, because you never ask."

"So it's all my fault now?"

Yes. Blaine wanted to say yes, wanted to shout it and scream it.

"This is not working." he said.

"And you expect me to believe you randomly decided this just when Sebastian is around again."

"This is not about Sebastian."

"Oh, yeah, he's harmless, isn't him? Until he gets what he wants out of you and send you in the hospital again, of course."

"Can you focus on what I'm telling you and stop making things up in your head?"

"Tell me you don't want to fuck him, Blaine. Go on."

And Blaine got it. This is how Kurt had decided to end that. Sawing trough what was left to hold them together without care of leaving a clean cut.

Everything but to admit he had faults in a relationship that had died long time before.

Refusing to realize Blaine had already chosen him over Sebastian once, and that he would have been naive enough to willing to do it again if Kurt hadn't treated him like an afterthought for weeks, had given him as much as a glimmer of hope he still loved him. Had been there enough for Blaine to be strong enough not to inch closer to Sebastian.

Blaine was grateful, really, that Kurt hadn't made himself a choice anymore. He was calm as he looked at the cat raccoon outside the window, and he gave Kurt what he wanted.

"Yes." he replied. "I do."

He heard Kurt crying and Blaine hoped he was happy, being upset over a break up he had been searching for.

"I don't have time for this." he barely mouthed, hoping it would hurt. "Well- I'd say goodbye, but we both know how we say it lately- talk to you later, Kurt."

He didn't cry as he ended the call.

He didn't cry as he curled into himself.

He didn't cry as his phone rang, a text from an unregistered number he didn't read.

He didn't cry as he took a shower, as he slipped into his pajama and under the covers, holding himself in a ball.

He thought how he didn't need to send a goodnight text that will go unanswered, or try and make a phone call to someone that didn't want to receive it.

He cried himself to sleep.

When Sebastian called the next morning, Blaine was still in bed.

He wasn't really awake, but he wasn't sleeping anymore. He was looking at the ceiling, an arm over his forehead and guilt and regret wrapped around him like a blanket.

He should have told Kurt sooner. Grow a backbone, for once in his life, and take a decision instead of postponing it until it took itself.

The phone rang and he knew it was Sebastian, calling all the way from Paris, France, and somehow making it sound like it wasn't a chore. Like Blaine wasn't a chore. He smiled, and couldn't hate himself for it.

When he picked up, Sebastian didn't even wait for him to say hi.

"Do you think I could sneak a french cat into Dalton? He's been staring at me since I sat down at the café." he asked, all chipper, before adding something in french meant for someone who was breathing the same air as him.

"Mh?" Blaine asked, rubbing a hand on his face.

Sebastian didn't answer for a while and Blaine sat up on his bed. His eyes hurt and his mouth was dry.

"Did I wake you up?" Sebastian asked, and it sounded like he was having fun.

"Yes. No. Kind of."

"Are you hungover?"

"It's a school night."

"Best kind. Come on, you can tell me."

"No, I- I had troubles sleeping."

"Mh." Sebastian said, and it felt like he was drinking something. "You still sound hungover. I might need more details to decide if I believe you."

Blaine smiled, leaning back until he was resting against the headboard.

"Okay. I yield. I went out drinking and now I'm in a motel in Columbus and I don't remember how I got here."

"Now you're making sense, tiger."

"Will you ever stop with the nicknames?"

"Why? You like it."

Blaine sighed, sunrise filtering in his room. It was late, and if he didn't hurry he wouldn't make it to school on time.

"I do."

He knew he just broke a rule. Didn't play around, didn't joke back.

"Are you still drunk?" Sebastian asked, and Blaine swallowed.

"I'm single." he said, and he could breath.

There was silence on the other end of the line. Blaine looked at the fine dust in the light and smiled.

"I knew this was a good day." Sebastian said and Blaine laughed.

"You know, I could be really sad right now."

"He said, smiling in the phone."

Blaine felt his neck heat up and he tried to stop the smile from widening.

"Can you at least pretend to be sorry for me?"

"I could- but you don't sound miserable, I'm in Paris, I'm having a late breakfast at noon, and I'm talking to the boy I like. I'm pretty happy right now, I'd hate to spoil it."

Blaine's eyelashes fluttered as his heart picked up.

He tucked his knees to his chest and stroked his thigh, and his smile was so wide his cheek hurt.

"Say it again."

"What? That I like you?"

He skipped another beat.

"That you're happy." he said, curling his arm around his ribs.

Blaine gave Sebastian time to skip a beat too.

"Blaine-" it sounded worried and a bit hopeful, and Blaine's breathing shortened. "Will this end? When we won't be six hours apart? When it will feel real?"

Blaine wet his lips, closed his eyes.

"I don't know." he said, sincerely. "But I don't want this to end."

There was silence on the other hand of the phone, and Blaine didn't want to hurry him but he needed to know he was still happy.

"Is it okay?" he asked, and he smiled before he heard the answer because Sebastian took a breath that sounded a lot like a smile.

"Mh. I'll take it."

"You'll take it?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the bed and pushing himself up.

His eyes felt a bit hazed by ill sleep, and the hardwood floor was hard against his feet, but there was an ease in his steps he hadn't felt in a while.

"Is that how you talk to the boy you like? Are those the words you want me to remember when I'll be forty and I'll say ah, yes, that Sebastian guy back in high school, what an ass. I can't believe I liked him."

"No." Sebastian said right away just as Blaine got off his sweatpants to search for the cut off jeans he wore the day before. "These are the words I want you to use against me when we're sixty and playing cards on a porch and I'm winning and you can't admit defeat."

Blaine stopped with a leg inside his pants and the phone between his ear and shoulder.

"But you're right, I will probably die young. I'll take the fond reminiscing over my wit and youth, too. Just make sure your voice sounds full of love, so that whoever replaced me will know you'd never be with them if I hadn't been stupid enough to die."

Blaine felt tears in his eyes, but it was a laugh that made it out of his mouth, a smile that curled his lips.

"I will." he nodded, and he closed his eyes, and this time he wasn't with Sebastian in Paris, but it was Sebastian who was in his bedroom, still rolled up in the covers and already being ridiculous.

"Good. Now, you never answered: do you think I could sneak a cat in?"

Blaine laughed and he bent to pull his jeans up, and he put Sebastian on speaker as he changed his shirt, walked downstairs and skipped his coffee, still maybe able to make it on time for first period if the traffic wasn't bad.

He smiled as he connected the phone to his car radio and his stomach growled because he skipped breakfast.

"Sebastian?" he asked, cutting him off from reading out loud bit and pieces of an article about animal rights he knows Sebastian didn't care about and he would forget getting fomented by in about fifteen minutes.

"Yes, killer?" he asked where a silent look would have been if Blaine could have seen him.

"You're ridiculous." Blaine said, smiling when he would have kissed him if Sebastian would have been next to him.

"Thank you." Sebastian smiled, chipper and carefree. "I try." he said, as he wound have done if they had been face to face.

Blaine smiled and shifted the gear at a traffic light.

He took the left turn instead of turning right, a three to five minutes longer road to reach McKinley Blaine hadn't taken since last winter.

He ate breakfast with Mr Schuester waiting for first period to be over, and found himself walking late into second period and in the midst of an existential crisis.

He'd lie if he'd told he'd never been more self conscious than that moment, walking around with barely tamed curls he had forgotten to gel, too lost in tentative happiness to care. He had relaid on Mr Schuester secret stash of hair products. He had carefully chosen what to entrust Blaine's hair too, a weird softer paste that had left his curls shiny and swept back, and Blaine had found it okay looking at the small mirror in Mr Schuester's office, but he didn't trust it.

Gel was safe. He put it on and he was done for the day, and he looked nice and put together and professional. Now he just felt like a twenty something failed musician working as a barista in LA wishing he could be on piano man duties on Fridays.

"Dude, I thought you weren't coming!" Sam told him as Blaine sat next to him in AP Music History, a course that existed no matter how much Sue tried to deny it and placed fake signs directing the students to classroom full of disembodied dolls.

"I slept in." he answered, but his thought were at the stray hair that he could at the corner of his eye.

"You look weird."

He must have been looking every bit on edge as he felt because Sam squeezed his shoulder.

"I didn't mean the hair." he said, and Blaine realized he had buried a hand in it."It looks great. Totally better than the gel helmet."

"I like the gel helmet." he said spitefully, but he placed his hands away from his hair and sit a bit straighter. "It's very- golden age of Hollywood. It's classy."

"Sure." Sam said and it was so disingenuous Blaine almost smacked him with his notebook. "Anyway. I know there's no Glee meeting scheduled today, but can you hang for a while?" he asked, and Blaine blinked.

He talked to Sam just yesterday.

"Dude," he said out of mirror neurons. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It might have been a little bit more aggressive than productive, but I'm happy we talked."

Blaine smiled despite himself and Miss Ritcherson threw a chalk in their direction.

"Okay." he said.

"Now," Sam added, sliding a bit down his seat. "Can you hang later?"

"Sure." he said, and he didn't mind if it meant he'd have to deal with his hair for a bit longer. Whatever Mr Schuester had done it deserved an honest chance.

He thought about Kurt in algebra. How he'd try to help him trough it time and time again, and they would end up kissing instead, Kurt's grade slipping and lips a bit chapped.

It felt so distant it was almost like watching a memory that belonged to someone else.

Just a few hours back he would have tried to hold on to it as tight as he could, trying to catch the happiness of what they had, and found the effort wasn't worth the weak shadow of a feeling that was all that was left.

Now he lingered on it as long as it lasted, and he almost smiled when he let it go.

Brittany offered him the hoodie of the boy sitting next to her to blow his nose and wipe his cheeks, and Blaine declined politely, but thanked her anyway.

Sam walked him outside. Told him to keep his eyes closed and went as far as cover his eyes with his hands as soon as they reached the parking lot.

He heard laughter and teasing and shushing sounds, and when he was free to see he squinted against the sun until he saw the New Directions wearing old t-shirts and overalls and holding paint rollers and tin buckets. They were standing in front of a wall covered in crass writings and uglier drawings.

"We're painting the wall today." Sam said behind him. "Covering the old stuff that we don't need anymore. We're starting over. Together."

"Why does it feel like a bad motivational speech?" Marley mumbled to Unique a bit too loudly.

"I sure don't know." Unique said back, not even bothering lowering her voice.

Blaine laughed and looked down briefly before looking up at Sam over his shoulder.

"Let's do it. This wall deserves another chance."

Sam smiled to him and ruffled his hair, and Blaine laughed as Sam went on to dip a brush in paint and splat it all over Marley.

It wasn't so bad, he thought as Brittany painted his cheek in white and Marley drew a smiley face on the wall, to get a fresh start every now and then.

Sebastian talked him trough one of his favorite Parisian street that night, and Blaine closed his eyes and imagined him besides him in bed, little to no clothes on and his cheeks flushed, talking in his ear as they laid together sleepy and satisfied, their legs tangled.

He smiled all trough it, and if his hand skimmed over his thigh as Sebastian talked innocently about streetlights and flower shops and creepy women checking him out, nobody needed to know.

He'll tell him anyway, he thought.

If they could survive the lack of distance, he'd curl around him beneath the sheets and whisper in Sebastian's ear he used to tease himself at the sound of his voice.

They met in the auditorium Friday morning, the Warblers on a Dalton holiday and everyone else without having classes to attend to until eleven, or excused from a history lesson by Mr Schuester. Blaine and Sam skipped AP Music History because it might have been a real class but it sucked, and Blaine dared Figgins to come and tell him something about it when he was forcing Blaine to take classes toddlers could get As in, when he could be using that time at community college to stack up credits. In fact, Blaine had a word or two to say about the way this school was run, and it was still weird to think he now officially could.

The Warblers were late, probably stuck in traffic, and Blaine had gone trough the choreography of It's a Beautiful Day enough times that he barely had to think about what he was doing.

He had just joined the chorus with the rest of the boys when the Warblers walked in, gray sweatpants and navy blue hoodies at the top of the stairs. He smiled from the stage and actually put effort into the steps. Really it only made things worse, because yes, New Directions wasn't a total disaster and Artie and Tina were putting some solid vocals out there, but the Warblers were on another level. Blaine loved Brittany, he did, but she wasn't as good as Sebastian at giving everyone steps adequate to their skill, resulting in a inconsistent mess of bodies moving. And the Warblers knew how to harmonize, a concept that still seemed wild to the New Directions.

He just liked the Warblers' craft more.

It didn't mean he wasn't having the time of his life jumping around on stage without worrying to mess up because their heart made up for it.

"Nice job!" Nick called out when they were done, and Blaine longed in his bones for the snarky remark that wasn't going to follow.

"Yeah. It's a smart move to try and pull at the middle age housewives' heart strings. Pity always increases donations. I'm impressed you would think about it."

Blaine's blood rushed in his ears as he scanned the Warblers coming down the the stairs, until he spotted Sebastian's mussed hair in the back of the group. He wasn't wearing Dalton's gym clothes but black sweats and a rumpled pale pink t-shirt with a black hoodie on top.

"Hi Blaine." he smiled, ignoring the vocal protests to his remark. "Hello, everyone else."

Blaine was off the stage and in Sebastian's arms before he could think about it.

Sebastian's arms were wrapped around his waist and he laughed against Blaine's ear as Blaine held his shoulders tighter, his fingers curling in the back of Sebastian's shirt.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, before pulling back but keeping his hands on Sebastian's upper arms.

He was there.

He shouldn't have been for another two weeks.

"Dad had to come back for work and I went with him. The old witch did tell me to go and live my life, didn't she? She wouldn't like people moping around the house for so long. Although three fourth of them were probably just scouting the inheritance, and that she could respect."

Blaine surged on the tip of his toes and kissed Sebastian's cheek.

He breathed in the cologne and the distinct smell of airports, and lingered way longer than he should have had.

Sebastian's hands tugged at his hips to move him closer.

"Excuse me?" Tina screeched from the stage, and Blaine broke away from Sebastian just to kiss his cheek again, the quick peck it should have been the first time around.

He pulled back enough to see Sebastian smiling at him and Blaine just wanted to wrap his arms around his neck again and kiss him, because Sebastian's cheeks were actually flushed, a shade redder than the rest of his skin.

"Hi." he said, late.

"Nice hair." Sebastian smirked.

Blaine waited for the self doubt to creep on him, for the knee jerk reaction of doubting this whole agave oil thing, but it never came.

It couldn't, not when Sebastian was looking at him like he wanted Blaine there and then, like he would do to him anything Blaine asked and more.

"I like the whole aspiring musician bar tending in LA vibe. It's really hot."

Blaine kissed him.

Held onto him, his fingers digging in Sebastian's arms, his lips already parting against Sebastian's mouth.

More than anything, Sebastian got him,

down to the silly, specific analogies Blaine made up in his own head.

He didn't know how long they were kissing, or when his hands had moved to Sebastian's neck, his thumbs moving along Sebastian's jaw. He only knew that if Sebastian hadn't pulled back, he didn't know if would ever had the strength to do it.

Sebastian smiled and Blaine pulled him closer for another quick, chaste kiss.

"Weren't you dating Kurt?" Unique asked, and Blaine buried his face in Sebastian's neck.

"I thought they broke up ages ago." Joe said. "He's been miserable."

Sebastian kissed his hair, and Blaine curled his finger on the back of Sebastian's shirt, under his hoodie.

He was warm.

"Are you going to say something to your defense?" Tina asked, and Blaine kissed the hollow of Sebastian's throat.

"No." he said, loud and clear. "I don't think I will."

Sebastian laughed and kissed his cheekbone, and Blaine thought sure, of course it would be in Sebastian's arms that he would almost feel like a real boy again.

"I was promised a story about not settling." he asked Sebastian over the table of the Lima Bean.

"Bad topic when you're force-feeding me a watered down coffee-flavored drink."

Blaine chuckled and accidentally on purpose pressed the inside of his shoe to the outside of Sebastian's.

"You love it here."

"I loved that I could run into you here. Fucking' Starbucks is better than this place."

Blaine made a poor attempt at hided his flustered cheeks behind his cup.

Sebastian looked tired, mussed hair and grayish circle under his eyes, but there was a gleam in them and a careless smile on his lips.

He was gorgeous, and Blaine had kissed him.

He nibbled at his bottom lip.

He hadn't listened to a single word Sebastian had said.

"Mh?" he asked, when Sebastian looked at him with an amused smirk like he had been waiting for an answer.

Sebastian laughed, narrow eyes and white teeth, and Blaine felt butterflies in his stomach and a few of them fluttering around in a suddenly empty brain too.

"You know, I don't think Nick would mind lending me the room for a while, if you want to get it over with and see if you can regain the ability of holding a conversation."

Blaine wasn't sure what kind of sounds he made, a breathy scornful laugh in a weak but determinate attempt at producing words.

And then Sebastian was leaning over the table and his hand was behind Blaine's neck. It was a nice, quick kiss, sweet and inconspicuous enough it was the kind of kiss they could be sharing at a family dinner.

It made Blaine's knees weak.

"You know-" he said when they were both back in their chairs with stupid smiles on their faces. He took a quick sip of coffee. "my home is closer than Dalton."

Sebastian's smile fell and his eyes widened, his lips trying to find words. Blaine laughed in his face without any hint of malice, and Sebastian looked away and back, faint pink on his cheeks and a determined gleam in his eyes.

"Be careful with the teasing, Anderson, I could say yes."

"I would hope." Blaine said, laughter dying and voice getting richer. He stroked his feet against Sebastian, and relished the puzzled smirk, like Sebastian was trying to make sense of him, decide how much of what Blaine said was a joke.

Blaine would gladly let Sebastian decide for both of them.

"I dated a guy for about two months and I hated it." Sebastian said, and Blaine

stopped.

Stopped teasing, stopped smiling, stopped thinking.

"Mh?"

"This summer. I was miserable, mostly because I didn't know how to have fun anymore, so I decided to have some fun, and then again, and without me even noticing I ended up meeting the guy for a coffee and it wasn't half bad so I said yes to dinner too. He was- decent. Nice. Fun. German too, so there was always something to tease him about."

Blaine bit the inside of his cheek, gripped his coffee cup harder. He sat, still, trying to ignore the hideous green feeling in his stomach that had never been there for the thought of Sebastian and some guy at the bar, but this was some guy at dinner, who had a name and a face, and was German, and got to see Sebastian laugh, got to made it happen.

"It really was not a bad experience."

"So why was it two months?" he asked, aggressive when he didn't want to be.

Sebastian grimaced and toyed with a napkin, unable to sit still, and Blaine braced himself for the inevitable it wasn't me who ended it.

"Because I got bored." Sebastian said with a shrug so carefully careless Blaine almost smiled.

"You know me, Blaine. I obsess over things for a short time and then I move on to something else. And then the novelty of dates and romance and gloating around saying _boyfriend _passed and then- don't judge me- I just got back to the things I do consistently like to do. Reading, lacrosse, making fun of freshmen. I was full on back on my schedule, and I just didn't have time for someone else other than me."

Blaine wasn't surprised that, even if he couldn't imagine where the speech will lead them to other than Sebastian ending something that had barely started, he still trusted Sebastian not to hurt him.

"What I'm saying, is- you're not decent. You're you. I would rather read a book with you in the room even if it takes me out of it, and I've missed countless lacrosse practices already just to come here and maybe see you and would do it again. It's been going on long enough that I know it won't- I don't want to- Blaine, if we do this, I'm not settling- I'm choosing something good for me. And that's why I want to be sure it's okay. Because I know the timing is bad. That maybe you're not ready for something that I know can last. That it will, at least on my part."

"Sebastian." he said, because he needed to. "Are you trying to tell me not to settle for you?"

"Well-" he seemed taken aback. "I was more trying to- be sensible?"

"Sebastian." he said again, dragging it. "Since when I've ever been sensible? You know me better than that. If I decide something is to be, it's done already."

"That's what worries me." Sebastian said without hesitation. "That you let yourself being treated right for once and decided I was okay to be with."

"I can assure you Smythe, never ever I have consciously decided to like you. In fact, I have pretty much consciously decided not to like you."

"And how has it gone for you?"

Blaine smiled and scratched his coffee cup.

"Apparently my feelings for you are stronger than my stubbornness. And that's quite something, believe me."

"I do." Sebastian smiled, sliding his foot against Blaine's.

"So are you okay with me not getting bored?" he asked.

"I thought we already had a porch to sit under when we were sixties."

Sebastian hummed.

"Will you still be? In a while?"

Blaine still didn't trust he wouldn't hurt Sebastian. But he trusted his resolve not to.

"I want to be."

Sebastian's hand skimmed closer and Blaine took it, cold smooth skin, and nuzzled the dry patch he found near his knuckles.

"Is it okay?" he asked, and Sebastian's ankle pressed against his.

He smiled a blinding smile Blaine had yet too see.

"I'll take it."

Blaine could cry, but he wanted something else more.

"I kind of really want a hug and the furniture is getting in its way." he scrunched his nose up.

"A crime, really. We should comply a complaint for homophobic conduct."

They stood up at the same time, Sebastian's half full cup still in his hand. The other waited for Blaine to slip his messenger bag on. Blaine slid their fingers together.

"We could go feed the ducks." Blaine smiled. "Show 'em we're not afraid of them."

"But we are afraid of them." Sebastian said holding the door open. "Don't tell me you've conquered your fears of ducks without me."

"Never. But they don't need to know. I think we should assert our dominance and get them scared of us. That way they'll stay away, and we won't have not to be afraid of them."

Blaine squinted in the darkening air of soon to be winter, chill biting his cheeks.

"Blaine?" Sebastian called him, and he looked up and up some more, and melted in the fondest smile he had ever been looked at with.

"Yes?" he asked.

It took Sebastian a second before his smile turned teasing.

"You know." Sebastian said, thumb brushing against Blaine's dry hands.

Yes, Blaine thought looking down, cheeks hurting and blush on his neck.

He knew.

**Author's Note:**

> ...and then they sang together at the event and Sebastian let Blaine lead them because he's thirsty for that Blaine Warbler charme, and Blaine's dad and mom were there and donated way too much.
> 
> is this too soft? are they too soft? surely i am too soft.


End file.
